Friday, July 9, 2010

The World's Greatest Phony

Well, it happened.

LeBron James officially announced to the world yesterday that he is not good enough to win a championship without the help of Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. LeBron needs Pat Reilly to win, he needs someone with more competitive fire than himself.

To me, this move is nothing but embarassing. LeBron had basically four options in this entire free agency signing period.

1. Re-sign with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Stay with the people that would do anything for you, and keep this city's sport scene afloat. The millions of dollars that you bring to this city every year are important in a tough economic time. Besides, you never saw Magic or Jordan switch teams in their primes just because they weren't winning championships.

2. Sign with the Chicago Bulls. A supporting cast of Carlos Boozer, Joakim Noah, Luol Deng, and Derrick Rose is a quick road to a championship if you play the right kind of basketball that we've seen from you.

3. Sign with the New York Knicks or New Jersey/Brooklyn Nets. This is your chance to become a global icon. In the biggest basketball city in the world, you can cement your legacy as one of the best of all time. You could resurrect the great tradition that Bernard King, Willis Reed, Patrick Ewing (kind of), and Walt Frazier once were a part of.

4. You can chicken out and sign with Miami. Say what you will about Wade, Bosh, and Bron being best friends, but this is a classic copout. You now aren't the focal point of your team and that is what you wanted. You aren't competitive enough to win it on your own. You can't even match Wade.

The worst part of all this is that you did this to Cleveland in the most sadistic way possible. You hosted your own one-hour special on ESPN, you narcissistic prick. This was a slap in the face, a punch in the stomach, and a kick in the nuts for the people that gave you everything you ever wanted. These people have been through more than any other sports city in the country. You knew that, and decided it didn't matter to you anyway.

Choke on this, LeBenedict James.

Friday, October 30, 2009

I guess farming is genetic...

October has been a blessing. November will hopefully bring more of the good stuff to my life.

What am I referring to? Sports of course. And not just any kind of sports, bovine sports.

You may not get it, so let me fill you in. The Texas Longhorns are in prime position for a place in the BCS National Championship this year. They are 7-0 and have been quite impressive on defense. Over the past five games they are giving up a miserly .8 yards/carry on defense. The offense is starting to come around, and they have only one more obstacle separating them from Pasadena...Oklahoma State. If you hadn't been informed, Mack Brown is 11-0 against the Pokes during his tenure in Austin.

On an NBA note, the Chicago Bulls (my favorite squad) are looking strong coming off that thrilling series against the Celtics in last year's playoffs. Derrick Rose is really coming around and the supporting cast should allow the bulls to win 48+ games this year.

My father always had a passion for cows, and I guess I do too. And my cattle is looking good.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Just Pissed...

Today in church Travis suggested that if I need something to blog about, I just get angry. Well, after getting angry it was easy to find things that are blog-able. 

First and foremost, Skip Bayless is a child rapist. His views on sports are always wrong, regardless of what he says. Watching him argue against respected SPORTS journalists on ESPN's First Take makes me yearn for having toenails pulled off. He is annoying and never actually argues but instead says what he wants when he wants no matter how stupid his comments are. He leaves a bad taste in a sports lover's mouth that only Tony Kornheiser's shiny head and sexually charged jokes can erase.

My second item of business is business. If you haven't noticed, the United States Government has pumped about 20 kabillion dollars into the economy through stimulus packages. Although stimulating the economy is necessary to get out of this recession, the jackasses in Washington managed to earmark ridiculous sums of money for their constituents to attempt to win reelection. Pork Barrel Politicians are on the list of things that Jesus will zap with lightning when he gets here. 

Skip Bayless could be a Senator.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Stream of Thought Blog

A quick glimpse into the mind of Jacob McNeil:

Why do people think it is cool to put those stickers on the back of their cars that are from certain National Parks? Going to Yellowstone because you don't have enough money to go to St. Bart's doesn't make you awesome.

Why is it that 90% of lesbians drive Subaru Outbacks? Is there some sort of discount on the car if you bring your life partner in with you? Does the salesman throw in a liberal bumper sticker for every car sold?


Why are students required to take a full four years of English? Up to this point in my life I have spoken the language and I'm actually pretty good with it. I can order in restaurants, get directions around town, shop in a supermarket, etc. There should be a competency test so geniuses like me can clep out of English.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

New Year Resolutions

I have decided that I am now old enough to make some New Year Resolutions. However, after realizing that I can't put down "Cubs win World Series" or "Fight Rocky Balboa and Win", I had to actually focus on what I wanted out of 2009. Here are some of my stone-cold, lead pipe locks for the New Year:

Academic Goals

1. Have a 3.8 Cumulative GPA by the end of Junior Year (this means average a 3.9 through the last two terms).

2. Know where I'm going to College by December.

Physical Goals

1. Gain 15 pounds of muscle (this may be a hint for a gym membership for my birthday).

2. Fully participate in this year's rendition of Mustache May. A 31-day period where the upper lip is left alone.

Church...ish Goals

1. Read scriptures every day.

2. Win a WardBall (yeah, it's one word) Region Championship

Miscellaneous Goals

1. Earn enough money to go to Houston this summer. 

2. Screw it, Cubs win the World Series.


                                     

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Consolation Bowl



As you may know, the Texas Longhorns are in this year's Fiesta Bowl. You may not know, however, that they completely deserve to be in the National Championship. They beat the Oklahoma Sooners, but because of rules in the Big 12 and the BCS Rankings, Texas was shunned from the big dance. Obviously, the Longhorns will annihilate the poor Ohio State Buckeyes. My Predictions are:

1-Player of the Game: DE Brian Orakpo (8 tackles, 3 sacks, and 1 forced fumble)

2- Statistic of the Game: Texas runs for more yards than Ohio State throws for. 

3- Final Score: Texas 45, Ohio State 13


Friday, November 14, 2008

Basketball Season

It is time to forget about Football and turn our attention to the only relevant professional sport in Utah. Basketball. Sorry Real Salt Lake, but the MLS is terrible and the NBA is perhaps the sickest thing to ever happen. My favorite team, the Chicago Bulls, could do big things this year if they get it together. My second favorite team, the Utah Jazz, are much better and could potentially win the Championship. It would be so sick to see one of my favorite teams win a championship and remember it. For all you bleeding heart Jazz fans, enjoy this picture that defines the end of the Malone-Stockton Dynasty.